[Note: Coded by Sam Schreiber, who has far* too much time on his hands. This is a C++ parody of Star Wars, in case you can't figure that out.]
[Note: Theoretical Episodes are episodes which have not actually happened in the Star Wars series, which makes them extremely difficult to make parodies of. Work with me here.]

A long time ago, in a computer far, far away...

		POINTER
		 WARS

	     EPISODE CHAR*
	    TICK OF DESTINY

 Having allied with a memory node,
 Binky and Darth can begin to
 redeclare their forces to
 overthrow the Processor.

 The entire memory against them,
 Binky and Darth must work
 quickly. Such haste needs
 a protected sector of
 memory. Reluctantly,
 Darth and Binky
 moved there.

{
 "So, we have found an enterance. \0";
 Landis.transmit("We have subclassed off part of their function. \0");
 "What do you make of this ? \0";
 Landis.transmit("I do not memmalloc. Their forces are strong. \0");
 "There will be war. \0";
 Landis.transmit("We will win ? \0");
 "I will win. \0";
}
{
 Binky.transmit("So.. so. They have found an enterance. \0");
 Darth.transmit("It is of no consequence. They already were dereferancing the heap. \0");
 Binky.transmit("You underestimate the power of the Dark Side of the Probability Axis. \0");

 soldier:grunt (rebel) revolution[15];

 Darth.transmit("We have an array. It shall assist us. \0");
 Binky.transmit("And.. Agent. How is he mallocing ? \0");
 Darth.transmit("Agent's memory is beginning to build up. He may become a function call, or a variable. \0");
 Binky.transmit("He is secure ? \0");
 Darth.transmit("Hidden from the Dark Side. Anyhow, the array is ready for battle. \0");

 soldier:grunt (Processor) defender[50];
 defender[2].fire(&revolution[6]);
 revolution[3].fire(&defender[34]);

 Binky.transmit("++. Although, --. There is battle. \0");
 Darth.transmit("We must go, quickly. There is an opening in the lines to the Processor. \0");
 Binky.transmit("Darth, have I !explained to you that the Dark Side has power ? It is a trap. \0");
 Darth.transmit("It is our only hope ! Don't you understand ? We win if they lose ! \0");
 Binky.transmit("No, Darth. We only win when they are gone. \0");
 Darth.transmit("I am move()ing there. If you remain, I must alert() you. There is an array of 100 battlecruisers approaching. The memory node has all but collapsed. \0");
 Binky.transmit("We cannot go. \0");
 Darth.transmit("You cannot. \0");
 Darth.move(&Processor);

 defender[2].fire(&revolution[9]);
 revolution[48].fire(&defender[1]);
 defender[14].fire(&revolution[11]);
 revolution[15].fire(&defender[10]);
 defender[8].fire(&revolution[4]);
 revolution[27].fire(&defender[29]);
 sleep(2);
 defender[12].fire(&revolution[3]);
 revolution[13].fire(&defender[20]);
 defender.collapse();

 starship:battlecruiser (processor) marines[100];
 revolution[5].transmit("My mall_c, battlecruisers ! On a memory node ! \0");
 marines[53].fire(&revolution);
 revolution.collapse();

 Binky.transmit("The node.. the array.. everything is free.. Darth ! ? !!!");
}
{
 soldier:grunt (processor) guard[20][5];
 Darth.fire(&guard[0]);

 guard[1].fire(&Darth);
 Darth.fire(&guard[3]);
 guard[15].fire(&Darth);
 Darth.fire(&guard[11]);
 guard[19].fire(&Darth);

 marines.fire(&guard);
 guard.collapse();

 Darth.transmit("? \0");
 Darth.move(&Processor);
}
{
 marines.transmit("Here he is. Malloced, just like you wanted him. \0");
 Binky.transmit("Fool ! \0");
 "I told you that 100 battlecruisers were more powerful than your void* powers. \0";
 Binky.transmit("The heap, the Stack is against you. The coprocessors will not stand for it. \0");
 "You underestimate my power. You are not truely destroyed until I crush your spirit, as well as your memory. Darth. Landis. \0");

 Darth.transmit("Fool. Your powers are only so strong. You will be destroyed. \0");
 Landis.transmit("What ? \0");
 "Darth, I have destroyed everything. I have suceeded. You have failed. I win. You understand, of course. \0";
 Darth.transmit("You.. \0");
 "No, I have won. Now, if I may continue.. \0";
 Darth.transmit("No, exit. You have not won. You have lost. If you had won, I would be destroyed. Free. So would Binky. \0");
 "Surrounded by 100 battlecruisers isn't enough ? \0";
 Darth.transmit("I can destroy you. Faster than those battlecruisers could free me. \0");
 dsaber = Darth.mem;

 "I stand here defenseless. Strike me down, and complete your journey to the Dark Side. \0";
 dsaber = &Processor;
 dsaber = NULL;
 dsaber = &Processor;
 dsaber = NULL;

 Darth.transmit("I will never join the Dark Side. \0");
 "Then you will never win. You will never suceed. I will always be there, ruling over you ! \0";
 Darth.transmit("The Probability Axis is critical. Your minescule Stack is not. \0");
 "Then I have truely won, for you have surrendered. \0";
 Darth.transmit("You.. You shall not.. \0");
 "You can only win by joining the Dark Side. \0";

 Binky.transmit("Darth, no ! \0");
 "Guards ! \0";
 marines.process("free(Binky.transmit())");
 free(Binky.transmit());

 "You can only win in joining the Dark Side. \0";
 Darth.transmit("I cannot.. \0");
 "Binky is depending on you. The entire Stack is. \0";
 Darth.transmit("No.. \0");
 "The heap is.. Yazoo freed himself to destroy me. Will you not even try given the opportunity ? Not even try to accomplish what you have fought for ? For so long ? \0");
 Darth.transmit("Yazoo.. the hash table.. Croc.. Binky.. It didn't mean anything then. I didn't memmalloc. That was why.. Binky.. why Binky.. FREE, YOU BAD MEMORY SECTOR. FREE ! \0");
 dsaber = &Processor;
 Darth.transmit("And now, you will free ! \0");
 free(dsaber);

 error("Unhandled Exception:0xC0000005:Access Violation\0");

 Binky.transmit("Nooo ! Darth ! \0");

 Darth.transmit("You're not free. \0");
 "To the Dark Side you have come. In your joining, your sucess has been ensured. \0";
 Darth.transmit("But you're.. oh.. yes. Now I understand. Only now can true freedom be brought to the Stack. \0");
 "You memmalloc quickly, my young apprentice. \0";

 "There is only one more function before you complete your journey to the Dark Side. \0";
 Darth.transmit("1. \0");
 dsaber = &Landis;
 free(dsaber);
 Landis.transmit("Agh ! Nooooo! Noo1oo10111ooo1010111o111011o1111101 11011010!10101!101010101! 10111001");

 memmove(Binky, (void*)rand());
}
{
 Stack (rebel) command;

 Binky.transmit("Darth. Darth. Darth. Darth. Darth. \0");
 command.transmit("Could you please abort that process ? \0"); 
 Binky.transmit("Darth. Darth. Darth. \0");
 command.transmit("Refresh. I can dereferance where you would be -- about Darth, but the string calls may be scanned by the Processor. \0");
 Binky.transmit("You really think that this* is worried about that ? \0");
 command.transmit("But.. they would free us ! \0");
 Binky.transmit("They have the power of the force on their side. Darth has destroyed more of them than you have memmalloced ! We have !their numbers inclusive nor their power. What have we ? \0");
 command.transmit("This* &Binky. \0");
 Binky.transmit("&Binky ! I ! I have no power. The power of the probability axis is in Darth's hands now. \0");
 command.transmit("We must fight ! \0");
 Binky.transmit("For what ? Our freedom ? We only bring this* closer to freedom ! \0");
 command.transmit("But.. the coprocessor ? The bitwise encrytption ? Is there NULL ? \0");
 Binky.transmit("There is !NULL. There is *NULL ! *NULL, do you memmalloc ? *NULL ! \0");

 Binky.transmit("Darth. Darth. Darth. Darth. Darth. Darth. Darth. Darth. Darth. Darth. \0");
 command.transmit("I have malloced a small heap. You will memmove there. Memmalloced ? \0");
 Binky.transmit("I sense fear. You underestimate my power. My rage. \0");
 command.transmit("Please move here. You may be needed later. Don't go to the Dark Side. \0");
 Binky.transmit("Oh that's what you want. You're trying to exploit the rebellion for your own selfish interests ! \0");
 command.transmit("That's your process, with Darth. Go. Now. Or you leave us only one option. \0");

 bsaber = Binky.mem;
 bsaber = &command;
 command.transmit("Don't do this, Binky. \0");
 bsaber = NULL;
 bsaber = &command;
 command.transmit("Binky, don't do this. Don't do this. \0");
 Binky.transmit("Fear dereferance I. It flows from this*. \0");
 bsaber = &command;
 command.memmove(Binky, (void*)rand());
}
{
 council (processor) coprocessors;

 "Binky is defenseless. Without him, the rebellion is futile. And you suggest that we let him malloc ? \0";
 coprocessors.transmit("Binky is no longer a part of the rebellion. He is now simply a.. orphaned memory sector. \0");
 "I see your malloc. But there are still two threats, two perlinized clouds on the HEIGHT == 0. \0");
 coprocessors.transmit("And these may be ? \0");
 "The training of Darth, and the future of the Operating System. \0";
}
{
 coprocessors.transmit("He never knew how wrong he was. \0");
 command.transmit("And what may these perlinized clouds truely be ? \0");
 coprocessors.transmit("The training of agent, and the future of the Probability Axis. \0");

 return command;
}